Dear MOMs Club,

I can't really send this letter, so I am going to share it with all of you. Well, I guess I could send this letter but I don't have the balls.

Dear MOMs Club,

Please cancel my membership, effective immediately. Sadly, the handful of douchebags that post annoying crap on our Yahoo group has driven me to the brink of sanity, hence, the following message. (I assure you that there are several people that know me well that may attest to the fact that I am not as big of a fucking lunatic is this is about to make me sound like, but whatever.)

Tanya: I dont really know you, but based on your MOMs Club Newsletter Member Spotlight (that you wrote yourself) alone, I think you are a total wack-job. I mean really, have you ever heard the expression "too much information"? That being said, I dont think you deserve all of the nitpicking and harassment that you have shouldered in your year as our MOMs club president. I think that there are a handful of people that dont like you and these people have decided to pick on almost everything that you do as president. I think their behavior is shameful, transparent, and immature. Because of them, I feel like I have become witness to some sort of Salem witch trial. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them suggests adding "hold Tanya under water to see if she drowns" to the next meeting agenda.

Ramie: I dont even know where to begin with you. The messages you post to the group are so acidic, I fear my laptop is going to melt just by displaying them. It is obvious that you hate Tanya and want everyone else in the MOMs club to hate Tanya as well, so why dont you save yourself and everyone reading your messages some time and just post a weekly message that states something this affect: "I HATE TANYA".

Beccalynn: I am not sure how you fit into all of this other than you just basically get on my fucking nerves. Every in-person interaction I have had with you has left me feeling like you are either a) an android that does not experience human emotions b) a miserable bitch that wants everyone else to me miserable too or c) are confusing me with a window as you stare straight through me with a blank expression of slight disdain. However, you dont seem to have a problem in calling me up to sugary-sweetly sing song ask me to host coffee morning or attempt to ply me with your saccharin-sweet insincere compliments in attempt to rope me into running for a seat on the MOMs club board. To top it all off, the public brown nosing you do on the Yahoo group has seriously got to stop. I can only take so much of you telling someone how AWESOME she is or what a GREAT JOB she has done or how she is a FANTASTIC mother. Your falseness seriously makes me want to barf. But maybe I should put this in your format so you will understand what I am trying to say: Beccalynn, you are INCREDIBLY ANNOYING and FAKE and I seriously wish you would just SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And last but not least, to the masses that feel the need to hit "reply all" or post messages to the entire club under inappropriate circumstances: If you want to volunteer for In A Pinch, by all means, please do. But the whole goddamn club doenst need to hear about it. The same goes for replying to everyone to let one person know that you are going to drop off plastic grass for an Easter basket or that you are going to donate $5 for a gift card. It is plainly obvious that the people that use the "reply all" option in these circumstances do so to make sure that everyone in the club sees how involved/generous/saintly they are and they are probably secretly hoping for a "rah-rah-rah you are such an AWESOME person" response from our resident cheerleader. Next time, ask yourself: would I still be volunteering to _____ if no one were to ever find out about it?

The fact that a very small percentage of MOMs club members post regularly on the Yahoo group makes me think that the majority of the the MOMs club are reasonably sane and drama avoiding women. But the few of you that do smear your bullshit all over the place have completely ruined the club for me, so I am out.

Good-bye and good luck,
Pearl